It’s Thursday! Blog day! Have you ever noticed how easy it is to start a new habit or discipline but how difficult it is to keep doing it? I remember when we were revamping the Church website and one of the new features was the ability to include a blog. I thought that would be great! How hard could it be to write something once a week? At that time, we weren’t able to meet in-person for most things so the opportunity to communicate with the congregation, especially as a brand new minister, seemed an easy decision to make. And so, the blog goes on. Thursday is the day I write it so I am trying on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to get my mind in a creative mode in order to have something “inspirational” to say.
Like I said, today is Thursday! I think its a safe bet to say that if I am writing my blog about the blog, it could be an indication that I didn’t have that really clever insight or illustration to expound upon. I woke up this morning and as I walked out the door I was thinking, “I have no idea what to write in that blog!”
When I got to my study at the Church building, I started to look through the things I need to get done today and decided I should knock off a few “easy” tasks first and hope somehow my brain would come up with something to write about. I went back to the Fellowship Hall in order to tidy up from the Discipleship Training Course I led last night. There were note cards scattered everywhere on the tables in response to a question I asked last night at the class. The question: “What is the best thing you’ve learned or experienced by being in this course so far?”
As I went from table to table, pausing to read the answers, I found myself responding in several different ways. Some of the answers on the cards made me smile. Some made me tear up. Some made me think. Some demonstrated that they were grasping the material and making application beyond what I had thought.
I have to tell you that those cards were a gift to me. Not only did they affirm that you are grasping the dense teaching being presented, they also affirmed that God’s Spirit was working through someone as flawed as me in presenting it. They also affirmed that God’s Spirit is alive and active and working in so many of your lives as well.
They were also a gift to me because last night was the lowest in person attendance so far. I understand why the attendance was as low as it was. Between the Covid 19 quarantine protocols and dealing with symptoms that probably aren’t Covid related but who really knows for sure, people are being extra cautious. I totally get that and anyone reading this shouldn’t assume that I am in anyway being critical to anyone not in attendance.
My point is really very simple and a bit revealing about me. One of the things that may surprise you about me is that deep down, I am a rather insecure fellow. I am secure in my walk with God but I struggle around others. That may seem odd for someone who gets up in front of a crowd of people and talks but its true. The insecurity often shows up when evaluating what situations in life mean. As an example, did the lower attendance last evening mean that people are dealing with primarily health issues? Did it mean that people are finding the material either boring or not what they expected? Have I done or said something that was offensive? These thoughts play through my mind and usually the loudest voice was the last one I mentioned.
And so the cards were a gift. What’s really crazy about all of this is that we are in the midst of Minister Appreciation Month and Camille and I have been overwhelmed with expressions of appreciation and love that we’ve never before seen! Some might think, how in the world could someone feel insecure in the midst of such an outpouring of appreciation and “Happies”? That’s a great question! One I don’t really have an answer for except that that is who I am. The good news is that God is willing and able to work through someone as messed up as me! In the meantime, please keep in mind that when you aren’t present, you are missed. If you are feeling poorly, certainly, please stay home and take care of yourself. But if you are well and you aren’t here when we meet together, please don’t underestimate how significant your absence is. I suspect that others may feel similarly to me with respect to insecurities. You have no idea how much your presence means to me and probably many others within the congregation. Much Love!